Wednesday, June 18, 2008

first tag?

hi bloggers!

its my firts time to have a blog here in blogspot. i do have 2 blogs before, in wordpress and livejournal. but im not that super addicted and updated way back then. thats why i started to create this blog and decided that i will continue this one till i reach the age of 40's. lolz. but seriously i want this blog to be my first and last blog here in blogger.

i copy-paste some of my post in wordpress for some backgrounds. ehehe..

hope that visitors will not get tired visiting here! comments, links, comments are always welcome..

ciao!


undecided thoughts

Dated: may 24, 2008
From Wordpress


err..
i dunno what to feel right now. this guy is nagging me again. i mean knocking on hearts’ door AGAIN. asking if he has still a space in here ♥. and i don’t know how should i act. there are so many thoughts that stop me to let things happen. its like the famous cliche “my heart says yes but my brain says no”. mind over matter.


he gives me reasons to fall again but also unmarked hints to control my feelings.
he treats me very special.
he’s so sweet when im around.
he keeps on texting me that he cared.
that he still love.


but i have no assurance.

he still have his ex-girlfriend’s pictures on some of his accounts with some mushy captions.
keep on track in his *smart network where he can text his ex.

i enjoyed his company but when the day is over. everything becomes all doubtful.
skeptic.


so skeptic..
and now im the pathetic girl thinking of what to do.


*unfinished..

my summer stress-free vacation

Dated: April 25, 2008
From Wordpress


Hi everyone!
How’s life?
How vacation?

Well me, I’m still stock in my cousins house in Taytay, Rizal. Anyhow, I’m enjoying being here except for the fact that I can’t go on gimik. We can go to mall, but once a week, or it depends on my other cousin’s mood.

Additionally, I loved to reside here because of the climate. The hotness is not that superb not like in Pasig, where I used to live all of my life. Also I think here I’m stress-free. I have nothing to think of. And if I get too emotional I have my close cousins whom I can talk to. For a short period of time I can forget all my worries in life, all my problems and tribulations that trigger my mind everyday when I’m alone at home. My mentality is at rest over time. ϋ

The clean air invigorates my body.
The fresh fruits rejuvenate my health.
The happy people around revitalize my soul.

Truly this vacation has meant a lot to me.

I have a great time with my cousins, namely Ate Joyce, Krab Mina and Grem Lyn. Funny nicknames, right? That’s the unstoppable spirit on us. We’re so bond together that we have those comical nicknames that we used to call each other. Mine was Chinay Chai.

We talk about everything under the sun. Share our thoughts and insights. Giggle with on our school mistakes and funny experiences. Utter some gossips that we heard that day. Give each other advices and words of wisdom. That’s how open our communication is. Revealing something is not that big deal. They are like my sibs. That’s why I really love them.

I hope that this setting won’t have an ending.
Friend’s forever.
Cousin’s together.

my last song sydrome

Dated: April 19, 2008
From Wordpress



IF I FALL
by Amber Pacific


This is for the ones who believe their lives won’t change

Hoping that someday things will mend and be the same
And this is for the ones who have lost it all
And all that’s left to gain
Is a simple reminder that the things that we’re blind to slip away

How can I say

Say I’ll be okay

And if I fall through these days that go by without cause

Just a painful mistake has left me here on my own
And if I fall through these nights I can’t seem to go on
Just a sign that you’re with me gives me the strength to hold on

Now that the line’s been brokenI’m too afraid to just look back

The pages have left an empty space
You were all I hadWhy does it have to be this way
These things they’ll never change
Still I’m left with knowing, content and happy, this is all I need

And if I fall through these days that go by without cause

Just a painful mistake has left me here on my own
And if I fall through these nights I can’t seem to go on
Just a sign that you’re with me gives me the strength to hold on

And if I fall through these days that go by without cause

Just a painful mistake has left me here on my own
And if I fall through these nights I can’t seem to go on
Just a sign that you’re with me gives me the strength to hold on


_______________

I’m really into this song for the past few weeks. I’m not an emo but I loved this one. This reminds me of my pathetic situation with my special someone. The one I used to loved, but then he left me broken. Optimistically, I thought things will be fine again but then I was wrong.

“How can I say
Say I’ll be okay”

If in reality I was not.

“You were all I hadWhy does it have to be this way
These things they’ll never changeStill I’m left with knowing, content and happy, this is all I need”

I find this line irresistible.

“And if I fall through these nights I can’t seem to go onJust a sign that you’re with me gives me the strength to hold on”

Until now, he still lingers on my mind. Yes, I’m not totally over him. It’s sad to admit that after that heartrending tale between us I’m still waiting for him.

Waiting in vain.

I was waiting in vain as my friends said but I know I’m not.

I believe, soon he will see my worth. All the things I made just for him. The attention I pay on him. He will value me as I valued him.

How hopeless am I?
Is this the real me?
Ohh one thing I know.
I just loved.


By the way the rhythm of this song is so relaxing. Listen to it. Here’s the link. Enjoy!

http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/a/amber_pacific/if_i_fall.html

untitled poem

Dated: April 11, 2008
From Wordpress




Untitled Poem..

Your presence
Wakes me up in the morning
In my dreams
You’re the one I’m with
I cherish ever moments we’ve made together
Think of our future and
Wish that we might last forever.

I assumed things would be fine
No what if’s
No how if’s
Like a teenager boy running
No hindrances
No problems.

But my assumptions exceeds to its maximum
I felt so down
I’m cast down in the rooms of loneliness
I’m doomed
Doomed on the things that happened
He’s like a bubble that was cast in the air
Flocked by the wind and then
Disappeared.

What happened?
Is all I can ask.
What’s the problem?
A question that giddy my mind
Did I do something wrong?
Did I hurt you in a way I didn’t noticed?
Ohh my what happened to us?

He missed that chance
He stick with his past
Yes, I was forfeited
Forfeited by him
But
I felt no anger
Just disappointment
I made a wrong choiceIt’s my fault
Yet I’m not blaming myself
Or anyone
It’s my own choice

At least
I triedI risked
I tried our luck
I risked my heart
I ventured if were meant to be
If were destined to be
Together.

Now
He can free his mind from me
Move away if he wanted
Think over things
Conclude on what he really feels

A chance is only given
On those deserving one
The man who knows how to appreciate
Appreciate everything from big to small
Accepts her love wholly
Accepts the real me.

Someday I will find that man
The man destined for me.
Not now
Not tomorrow
But soon..


____________

They say that a person can write a poem because he/she is inloved or inspired with his/her special someone, but that’s not true all the time. Me, I write poems when I’m totally down. Through this I can express how poignant my heart was. I don’t have the courage to talk to anybody because I know surely tears will fall. I don’t want them to have pity on me.

And now in this poem I’m totally depressed. Disappointment, sadness, and being downcast are the mixed emotions I felt. I never risk my heart before but then when he came I was overjoyed and set-aside all my thoughts about the perils that may lead our way.

But then I made a wrong decision. He’s not ready to love again and I don’t wanna force him to love me back for the reason that I do love him so.

One thing that keeps on running on my mind right now is if he's really for me, he will surely return. If we were meant to be he will make a move for us to be with each other side forever. Im waiting. Still waiting.



As of now were good friends now but the wound that he left in my heart won’t be healed that easy.

yesterday's downfall

Dated: April 10, 2008
From Wordpress


March 09, 2008

One of the highlights in my life happened. a serious problem with my close friend endeavored our friendship.

For a just petty reason, she’s willing and can give up our friendship. A group message hurted her alot. A message swanking how we really enjoy a party where wasn’t able to attend. I never thought that we will exchanged some personal messages in a mad way. Though most are intellectual and emotional one.

She cried. One of our common friend said. Her purposed is to just say SORRY to me for she wasn’t able to controlled her temper. I think she got mad at me for almost a week. And that personal text message break her silence. But I can’t wholly feel her apology. Some lines in her text still lingers on my mind. Who will not freak-out if a old close friend of yours says that “you’ve change” and advice you to “don’t let your old friends feel that they were set aside“.

Im not setting her aside. Im not taking her feelings for granted. Were just cracking some jokes in that GM. Nothing more, nothing less.

Thank God, now things are settled down. I told her that i don’t wanna waste our friendship just because of that. I say sorry too for being too frank in our conversation and the things that i did which upsets her. She said she wanted to talk to me personally, for us to fully makes things right.
Im 100% willing too.

I love her.
I treasure her.
I appreciate her.
I owe her half of my wonderful life.


That’s why I will never let any tribulations unleash our bond.

My Averting Thoughts

Dated: April 09, 2008
From Wordpress


Averting Thoughts

You’re my light when everything seems dark
Urge me a lot that left a mark
You curved and design my rotten bark
Induce me to be with the great lark

You’re identical to a scent on a perfume
Can turn all head like a doomed
Relief and relax myself from gloom
And helps very much to make me bloom

To catch your attention is not that hard
But you’re like a jewel with so many guards
Try my best to enter your ward
Yet I’m still nothing in your yard

Damsel around thee always stick
To see you with them makes me feel so sick
‘Coz I know one day you will pick
The one you like, surely will cause me weak

A pen is useless without an ink
Like me I’m worthless if I can’t think
So before anything that can be link
I prefer myself not to sink


_______


i really don’t know how to start this entry.. that’s why i ended up putting one of my old yet memorable poem i made when i was in first year college. this is not the first time i made a blog but i think this will be the first serious and updated blog i will use. geez im ready to accept criticiams.. lol

ciao friends
gotta eat lunch first!