Monday, November 23, 2009

PM Sent

Just like the old times.
I keep on coming back here.
Busy in school so I wasn't able to update this blog.
So many downturns in my life happened.
But it makes me stronger.
It enhances my critical thinking in deciding.
I wont regret anything.
Im happy with my choice.
Opps! No more emotional lines.

Wee. I miss some of my co-bloggers.
Hope to have a chitchat with you soon.

Lovelots.
chai~

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

update



Happy Twenteen'th Birthday to me!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

depression strikes.


Time:
Philippines: 3:15am
Paris, France: 9:15pm
London, United Kingdom: 8:15pm
Berne, Switzerland: 9:15pm

Well I don’t want to talk about the title, honestly.

I just want it to be there. So that will know what I’m experiencing right now. I’m so cast-down and sort of pissed-off with my partner. I wanted to focus on other things and dont mind it much yet people, situation, and personal commitments boggle my mind.

Nah.. so much for it.
Even my art was affected and was influenced by this crazy emotion.

Earlier while cleaning the dishes, accidentally one of the plates slipped off. So I put the plate in the plastic trash in front of our sink. But then as I continue on what I’m doing my hand swings back to the plastic trash and my hand got injured by the broken plate.

It lacerated my skin and almost exactly on my hand nerve. My sister said that I’m like going to faint because I cried like a child for the reason that I saw too much blood rushing down my hand. Lucky, I was able to manage my emotion. (I hope I can also manage this depression.)

My mother cleaned and put an alcohol and beta-dine then after a band-aid. For me one way of expressing my emotion is through photo editing and here's the result, entitled Lifeless. You can rate it anyways. (scale from 1-10) Just for nothing. Opps! No! for improvements. ϋ



Waah! So much for it. I don't want to cry anymore. Enough is enough.

With regards to him I know sooner or later we can settle everything. BUT think not now.


So random? Oh! I wish I could run and escape from this crazy world. ö





^Depression is a mental state characterized by a pessimistic sense of inadequacy and a despondent lack of activity.
(credits to: http://ardictionary.com)

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

childlike thoughts..

Location: Bedroom
Time: 1:10am

Yey! Eight days before my birthday.

I remember when my boyfriend asked my plan for this coming event, I just answered “I have more than one month to think about it” but that’s already in the 2nd week of September. He laughed at me and said “It’s already September, not August” and burst I in giggling that I almost forgot my own birthday.

Well, I think it’s because of my lazy-busy-sloppy-schedule. I wasn’t able to check the coming event in my life: The-Start-of-My-NO-More-TEEN-Years. Yes! I’m turning 20 this October 7.

A bit sad for my numerical age.
Happy for the past 19 years’ good life.
And excited for more experience.

I can’t say that I could not ask for more. There are so many things that I want to have and achieve.

I love possessing new things.

I want a new cellphone. (The one with a TV)
I want a new laptop, or even a notebook.
I want a SLR Camera. (Canon please) etc.

Those are only few things that I’m craving to have, but now I can’t still have. First, is because I’m yet earning my own money and secondly, I don’t want to add burden to my family just to give my luxury. . I need to be contented on what I have now.

So just for my coming birthday I’m planning to give myself a REWARD for I passed one struggling year.
  • Either the Vanilla Scent Victoria Secret Perfume for my Bath and Body Works and VS perfume is more likely to be empty next month.
  • Or buy new corporate tees and blouse or even a dress for other coming events.
  • Or even buy havs’ slippers to treat my feet.
  • Oh, Paulo Coelho book will also do.

Small things that can make me smile. ϋ

However, as number of our age grows our way of thinking also develops. One thing for sure that can really makes me smile on birthday is my family, boyfriend and close friends.

Just sitting and eating with them on the day of my birth will be the best gift for me.

No material things.
No money.
Just their presence.





^countdown..

Monday, September 28, 2009

transformation

Location: Bedroom
Time: 3:46am

My bestfriend or should I say friend asked me to edit and fix his blog. After I finished it, I’m still not in the mood to do anything for school so I prefer to change my layout too. It’s been a long time since I edit it.

I always have the black and sad color background for my blog, so now I transformed it into something more lightly. Yes, the opposite of black. I tried the color WHITE which I don’t usually use for my backgrounds. I dunno why I picked this color from the palette but I think this is the right time to try something new.

I even alter my favorite picture for my template. Well trying something new for some time is cool and a bit interesting for it may reflect something in you.

Before I always use black for the fact that I always look at my life on its darkest side.

I’m absolutely an optimistic person but I can’t help to think that my life really sucks and so pathetic. Maybe that’s the very reason why I end-up loving the color black.

But now things change as well as my perceptions.
There’s more to LIFE. ϋ


For my old template: Bye bye!




^So what else can you suggest for my blog? ϋ

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Soldier in need, Soldier indeed?


Date: Friday, 28 August, 2009, 10:48 AM



" A couple of days ago, an embarrasing scene was played on tv when a

flip general was carried on someone else shoulder so he wouldnt get wet when
he stepped on a banka boat . the american officer on the other hand waded
on the water and stepped on the banka without any help. See the
symbolism on why the philippines have problems?"

This was a forwarded message from my Uncle who was residing in Toronto Canada. The subject title is "Hindi Dapat Tularan".

I was really surprised and sadden as I saw this picture as well as the indicated message elaborating that the soldier that was being carried was a Filipino Citizen and the other was foreign one.
That Filipino soldier's action is a big shame for us. What do you think that foreign soldier thought as he saw that scenario?

What’s happening now a day? Supposedly, soldiers should serve us. Not us, serving them. They have the responsibility to serve and protect the state as well as its countrymen. So if ever there is a flood like that then the soldier should be the one carrying that civilian man.

In addition, all soldiers carry out a wide range of duties. From serving their country, prepare for a combat, work in a close-knit team and to discipline other. But they should learn to discipline their selves first.

I know I don’t have the rights to judge this soldier. Like the creator of this Forwarded Message I’m just an observer.


But let us use this one as a subject for realization of what really is the current status of our country's governance. Good or Bad?


For a while, allow things thy happen and with this let us just wait for the karma (either good or bad) to make its way out.




^Credits to: (See attached file: BrigGenMarcianoIlagan.jpg) who ever started this.

Monday, September 14, 2009

three points..


Do you consider yourself as a dependent person? Or do you have a person that you think is too much dependent on you? Do you feel disturb when someone asked your companion?

When a person asks you for something like for an advice, then it means that she trusts you. It doesn’t show that she doesn’t know how to solve her own problem but she is just asking for your opinion on how you see that problem on your own side. She trust you that you can keep her questions as a secret and she trusts that you can share advice good for her.

When a person asks you for something like helping her in school stuffs, then it means that she believes in you. It doesn’t mean that she is being a parasite. She just asks your help, but not to do everything for her. As well all know being a parasite is a big no-no for us. It means that she believes in your knowledge and talent.

When a person asks you for something like accompanying her in an event, then it means that she wants you to be a part of it too. It is not just for her to have a companion but she also wants to share and make an unforgettable moment with a person who have a space on her hearts.

It’s not just being dependent.
It’s trusting in your wisdom, believing in your knowledge and most of all sharing her life.

Now it's up to you if you're going to shun your close friends or not.




^monday menace

Monday, September 7, 2009

life's packages..

Twists and turns in my life are happening every now and then.

First is that we (of course especially me) have a problem in our never-ending-Policy-Paper-editing”. Our professor limited our use of words into 3,000 characters for the Chapter 1 to Chapter 4 of our Policy Paper. Good thing we have the four chapters already but the negative side is that we exceeded the limit. We used 8,779 characters, so that simply implies that we need to rephrase everything, from the Chapter 1 which is the Introduction to Chapter 4, Discussion of Findings to just tag on the 3,000 words limit. Gasp. That’s what you call major editing.

Next stop. Another twist.

My so-called
best-friend-forever (BFF) is starting to avoid me. Well, he never did much the previous days but he will soon, I think and can vibes it somehow. Yes! He was just my “so-called BFF” because I just thought of that, I just assumed that he will be my BFF, yet the bricks start to fall and little by little... will totally be destroy. Sad but that’s life. As the saying goes, “people come and go” we just have to go with the flow.

There is a silver lining behind every cloud.

Well, it really shows how optimistic I ‘am.

No matter what is happening in my life right now, still there is only one person whom I always have on my side.

In twist and turns,
through thick and thin,
and in every storm that tears down my dream,
I always have him.

It’s almost 1 year and 2 months of making happy, cherish-able moments, struggling love quarrels and busy schedules conflict with him, but still here we are, living in our present and making plans for our future.

Happy 14th Month Jonathan Yap!



Thank you for understanding my childish thinking, for the trust, for the looooong patience and of course for the infinite love and care for me.

I love you and I always will.

A bit mushy. But then in this way I can show to the world how happy and blessed I 'am for having someone like him in my life.




^my unconditional love


Wednesday, August 26, 2009

frustrated-photo-editor

Hello! =)
Pretty bored here.

Just making photo editing again.
Me and my lappy.
This photo was taken last August 22, when my thesis-mates slept in our house.



Another one.
This are my chums. So childish.



Lastly, I've said we are so busy in school stuffs and here are the notes on my wall that should be accomplish as soon as possible.




Well, somekinda picture blog. Hope you enjoyed looking at my stuffs.

Have a nice day!




^chatting with HIM.. =)

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

so random..


Hey long time no post!
What's up people?
I missed some many events in life that wasn't post and share with you.

So here am I, planning to be active again. Even though we are working on our Policy Paper (it's like forever working on it) I will pursue to continue updating my blog.

What's new about me?

First, is that I'm attending a class. An English class to be specific.

American Institution for English Proficiency located in Makati.



I think I already mentioned it before but I want to share it again to you (specially those who are in the Philippines) because their specialist are really good (like Mia and Chris!) and their office is open for everyone. I received a very warming welcome when I had my first day class. As well as the staffs and old students.

We don't have dsl-connection! Too bad. The PLDT said that there's an international problem with regards to that but I wonder why my cousin on our next block can do internet surfing? Well their operators will be a shock-absorber for my brother's anger if they won't fix it as soon as possible.

Thank God I don't need to rent on a computer shop. Why? Simply because I'm the one who's in-charge of watching over my relatives computer shop here near our house so I can do the internet surfing the whole day.

I miss my chums online.
-ate cathy
-ish
-karen
-teacher makis
-kring
-cousin rem
-tepai
-rainne
-demi

and many many more. lol.

I think that's enough as of now.
I'll post pictures soon. Many pictures! For a better update.

Ciao!



^now playing: time of your life


Thursday, July 23, 2009

Nightmare-Twist-Plus-Creative Stuffs..


Cheese cake plus softdrinks.. yum!

Yeah I'm an early bird today.
I had two nightmares. Whoah. I wished those dreams won't happen this soon. xXx-Getting preggy?-xXx. Haha! No-no-NO. Never been in that process of getting preggy. Honestly. Haha!

Anyways, change that absurd topic.

The Newspaper Thingy? We planned print it out on Saturday and launch it on the first Monday of August. I hope things will work out according to the plan. *cross-fingers

Here's the copy of the Front page of the Newpaper-slash-Magazine that I (proudly?) layout.
This is from the publishers so some lines that are invisible in printing are still seen here.



Another Picture, I made this the other night when I can't feel any sleepiness.
I learned how to change the color of my eyes. Photoshop!
Somekinda color green? =)

Opps! I just changed the color of my eyes, and the side background, my cheeks and lips are for real. Haha! No zits! No nothing. Lol.

Sorry can't stop posting it. Haha! Vanity strikes again!




Later I'm gonna share you our Acquaintance Party pictures in The Prince of Jaipur and our after gimik in White Ave in Timog.


So see yah later guys!
Hugs and kisses!





^i gotta a feeling..

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

grumble but will not tumble..

listening to Hillsong's Music..



Never been here for a long time huh.

Well I'm not totally busy but I have a class from 6 in the evening to 8.
It's American Institute for English Proficiency and my bestfriend was the one who invited me there to enroll. It is in Makati so basically I'm tired of my daily trip (I live in Pasig). Yet, being part of that class is worthy. I gained new friends and learned so much with the lively conversations, modules and activities. It's really fun learning American accent. Surely I will learn more in the coming days. Karma for the AIEP!

Usually I do my computer stuff in the evening but now I prefer to sleep early. I know some of my friends will react if they can read this of course, because they know that I'm a computer addict and somekinda insomiac. Haha!

Twist!

Lately I'm doing our Department's newspaper layout. Damn I think we can't finish and produce it. First is due to the lack of budget and the second thing is the lack of time and cooperation of the other members. Sometimes I become regretful of handling and saying yes to our editor-in-chief when he gave me that position because now (not to be haughty) I think I'm the only person who's concern and very problematic with regards to this. But I should not be lament that this things happened to me. I know in the end things will be settle down and we can finish this project.

Another dilemma? Our Policy Paper-slash-Thesis since we are Political Economy student we are working on a policy. We already have the proposal but the interview part is not yet planned. If no one shows his or her interest in making the paper, or doing the first move, no one will follow and I'm tired kicking off.

Since I'm on my fourth year in college professors now expect too much. They demanded too much, for example the reports and the quizzes. In our International Politics we always have a right-minus-wrong quiz which was really, truly difficult. Err. Some of us got a negative grade.

Opps! I think I messed up this post with so much raves and rants.
Well this is my blog so just go on the flow. Haha!

As Patrick the Starfish said:

"Everything will be ok in the end. If it is not ok, then it is not yet the end."

Very inspiring quote from a not so intelligent but cute creature. =)

Goodnight Guys!



^Jesus we’re living for Your Name 
We’ll never be ashamed of You
Whoa o oh
Our praise and all we are today
Take take take it all
Take take take it all

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

flowers bloom..



Happy with him..


though we weren't able to have that perfect and smooth sailing relationship..
the ups and downs of life makes us unite again and promised to make things better
and try once more..



the magic of being in love..


iloveyou honey.. =)




Saturday, June 13, 2009

what's inside Shella?

Howdy!

Browsing on my wall in FaceBook I got curios with my friend Janine’s post. It was quiz entitled “What’s Your Inner Self” immediately I started the quiz. And here’s the result.


You a perfect balance of everything.

You've gone through a fair share of things to be able to put yourself in people’s shoes. You are caring and understanding. You are fun and warm to be around with. You tend to help people. You know what’s it is like to be at in all time low and you know how to deal with things lot. And you are good friends with all of your friends. You are kinda like the goldie locks of personalities. The things you do are practical, but sensitive to whom it would affect. You are at ease with yourself, and have spent a good deal of time finding yourself, and now that you have, you've finally bloomed into something beautiful.

Ahuh! I was shocked with the results because I think it’s true. Every time I did some quiz on the net I always got the same answers. And hey I’m a Libra. The connotation that we try to balance everything sprouts from nowhere in I.

So for those interested go get this quiz!
Here’s the LINK.





^credits to Face Book and their apps!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

First Tagged!

Yey!

Totally tired but whoah!

I GOT A JOB!

For the first time ever in my life, i got a gob. Words are not enough to show my excitement for the coming contract signing. I was hired in Pacific Hub Corporation located at Robinson's Equitable Tower near Robinson's Mall in Ortigas. It's a call center and I applied as a Customer's Service Representative (International).

Schedules, training period as well as the salary is not yet discussed, we'll see on Saturday. Yet I'm still excited and ecstatic. I hope it wont have any conflict with my school's schedule. Err.

But as of now I need to finish our policy paper for some revisions. So still work, work, work!







^light a lamp..

Monday, June 8, 2009

Literature Article


Hello guys!

I just wanna share you my article to be publish in our department magazine. For the fact that I'm like Garfield that is too lazy to do anything I just edited my previous blog post and turned it into a more favorable and life-learning story.

Have fun reading and enjoy! Ü

__________________

MY-LIFELESS-SO-CALLED-COMPANION

A companion means a friend. Sometimes, that can mean a buddy. And other times, they can be an accompanying person—someone that you can trust. That person is one who you can share your secrets too, and to keep them. But then, not all our companions are trustworthy. Some become our foes, for they spilled our secrets.

I remembered when I first saw Dhan. He sat quietly at the corner of the room. I saw in his eyes the bright side of life. It’s his charm and his positive look that made me sit beside him.

I held his hand. It was so soft and warm. I quickly hugged and kissed him. I smelled his watermelon perfume that made me hug him so tightly. He didn't react. Then suddenly, my cousin entered the room.

She said he was a gift when she turned 18. Oh, I forget to tell you, Dhan is a teddy bear.

I was fascinated and loved his cuddliness from the day that I saw him. And whenever I went to sleep over at my cousin’s house, I always looked for him and hugged him until I fell asleep.

Essentially that's the reason why my cousin ended up giving him to me. She said that Dhan can make me feel warm and comfortable especially during my trips to Tagaytay.

And that’s how our friendship started.

At the present time it’s really hard to find a real friend. Even though I have my other 3 cousins to listen to my raves and rants in life, they all get busy at some point, and only Dhan is available. That’s why now, he's my number one companion.

Sometimes I talk to him. (Sounds a bit psychotic but yes it’s true, except I don’t do it in front of other people.) Most of the time however, whenever I feel sad, depressed or stressed, I just hug him tight. In times of tears and laughter I have him on my side. Yes, he may not give me advices and such, but he can be considered as a loyal friend too.

Though he can't respond to what I'm saying to him at least, at some point he makes me feel better. They say pains are eased through sharing it to others and Dhan has shared a lot of mine.

Sometimes it’s enough that you have that someone who will listen to you no matter what your sentiments are—someone whom you can share your secrets to and have a hundred percent assurance that they won't spill it to others.

He is always there for you not just because he said so, but because that was what he showed you.

He can make you smile by just looking onto his face and someone whom you can hug anytime for a much better feeling.

I know he can't move or whatnot. Atleast he didn't promise me anything. That's why though he can't hug me back, I’m still I'm so happy having a companion like him.




^comments please!?

Thursday, June 4, 2009

and the blame goes to...

Weather: Heavy Rain Pouring Outside
Location: Bedroom

What a remorse night I have.
What will I do? Waah!

I have this friend-slash-former suitor-slash-material boyfriend who’s making crazy things by wearing himself through walking from school to their house which was really not a joke.

The story goes like this. After me and boyfriend broke up he was the one who acted like my “knight in shining armor” that’s why in a short period of time I thought that I already overcome and moved on with my ex. I think the way I entertained and treated him made him think too that he will be my boyfriend-to-be which I also thought at first.

But then I realized something.

I realized that what I’m did is wrong. I should not let him enter my ward not until that ward is totally prepared to be use by others.

So I told him my decision and after that we never talked again. Even a casual nod and a smile.

And now my bestfriend told me that thing. That he’s walking rain or shine from school to their home. For those here in the Philippines, imagine he’s walking from Sta. Mesa Manila to Caloocan (near Navotas). Damn. I was shocked after hearing that half gossip half true story from my bestfriend (because he’s not that sure). But still my mind’s engine goes up and starts running.

Was that my fault?
Yes! Pity on me. But yes I admit, absolutely that’s my fault.

I FEEL SO BAD, SO MEAN AND I POSSESS ALL THE GUILT RIGHT NOW.

What will I do? I can’t even ask him for a coffee to make things up.

I need to be strong to face the trouble I made.
I need to.
I have to.





^Feels so shitty!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Summer's Over


Howdy!

I miss everyone.
The OJT thingy makes me busy. And in the past 2months so many things happened and i can't mention it all. So i think i better hopped those stories and just cherish them, whether good or bad, reminisce them whenever I wanted. Haha!

Pictures!
They can tell a lot.



[These are our time card. My two close friends during our OJT and even in classroom: Jejomar and Gandhi.]



[with the boss': starting on your left: Ma'am Joy, Ren, Gandhi, me, Jejomar, Reniel, the chief, Ma'am Rosie and Ma'am Karen]



[together with the other statisticians]



[with Sir Francis, my favorite? nah my close statistician..]

Wanna see my other picture? Just visit my friendster account.

Hmm.. so gotta go..
Ciao!






^closer and closer..







Monday, April 27, 2009

BlogRoll Please..

Chai is: Eating doughnuts.
Location: Bedroom

Summer’s over!
Ohh! Rainy season-no-no.

Anyways, I will make this post a way of showing my gratitude to my co-bloggers.
Somekinda advertisement too for them. Ü

My BestFriend aka Jerome
~He told me that he didn’t want others to read his post. So why put it in a blog? Ahaha! Invaders go, go, go! He’s a good writer, I assure you.

Schoolmate aka Jonel
~He’s blog was fantastic. I dunno where he gets all those stuff, but I don’t care much as long as I enjoy his genuine literature.

Lunatic and Candymag Talker aka Istepanyak
~The hot babe! Aha! I enjoy reading here post. Somekinda girly, but a hundred percent a really lokaret gurl.

Lunatic Talker aka Sister Cath.
~Aha! I hope she won’t freak-out because of the word sister. Honestly I like her. The way she post about her life: so down to earth.

Co-blogger aka Kring
~I barely know her, but I can sense that being her friend is like a lifetime blessing. I can see and read on her blog how she treasure and keep her friends close with her.

Five-down.
Meet my new and old friends.


I’m thinking if I will post another batch. Hmm.
So for now Policy Paper again. Crap.
Ciao!




^i want a caramel kreme krunch!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

small dilemas in life..

Mood: Sluggish
Now Playing: Poker Face (party? ;p)
Location: Kitchen


Last Thursday,
nahulog ako sa hagdan! Stupidity Strikes. That happened on my friend's apartment. It's because the way down her apartment was so dark and for the fact that my eyes are weak specially in dark, bruggsh! I got a ankle sprain. I missed one or two steps. Take note I'm in my high heels pa.

So last Friday I stayed at home to rest. Two days with bandage and two days of struggle in walking. Now nothing to worry, I fell much better. I'm doing good.

On the other side of my life:

I'm practicing my baking skill. Whoah! After some days of cooking different Filipino delicacies and breads. I can conclude that baking is not my forté. My sister-in-law told me that I'm good in cooking pasta and main dishes (they said that they loved my baked tahong!). Yet, I'm won't give up. I badly want to learn. That's why I'm here at our kitchen. I'm planning to bake banana bread. Aha! Wish me luck guys!






^miiix together!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

so bad..

Tired.
Badtrip.
Wanted to Cry.

Damn it! I hate my brother this time.

Though he was the one who bought this laptop I hate him for not taking good care of it. Just after 3days that i didn't use it now I was shocked to see a line on the LCD. A straight blue line that whatever program I open it appears right in front of it. Waah! What happened to the LCD of this laptop!

Anyone who can help/suggest me what to do?

I really hate him! >,<


Thursday, April 16, 2009

to my special TWIN..








*Vanity Always Strikes*



howdy!


She's my twin sister. Romalyn. Oma. Though not by blood but by heart.
I love her like a real sister because she treats me like one.
She's always at my side. A hundred percent.

Thanks to our Parliamentary Class and Youth Congress I meet her last October 2008. Honestly, I really don't know everything about her but when we're together it's just like we've meet long long time ago. Like a long-lost-sister? :)

Both chinky eyes. Both pretty. Both STRONG.

I can say that I'm really blessed having her.
She's one of the brick on my wall.

To my twin:
I miss you and I hope to have a bonding moment with you again.
Thank you for everything.
Iloveyou so much twin.






^mushy me!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

mahalaga ka alam mo ba?

Pagod si Chai.
Sobrang pagod.

Sa buhay minsan kailangan mong magsakripisyo. Minsan kailangan mong magparaya. Minsan kailangan mong isipin na ikaw lang mag-isa sa mundo para hindi ka umasa sa iba.

Pero dahil sa ginagawang mong yon may mga taong natutuwa at hindi natututo. Hindi natututo at kapalit ng mga bagay na nagpahirap sayo ay ang kaligayahan at kaginhawahan nila.

Kung tutuusin maganda sa pandinig.

Ginawa mo ang bagay na yon para sa kanya.
O kaya naman ay..
Ginawa mo ang bagay na yon para sa kanila.

Parang bayani ang dating. Nakakabango ng pangalan at nakakataas ng pagkatao. Subalit sa likod ng mga papuri, natanung mo ba ang sarili mo kung naging masaya ka at para saan ginagawa mo?

Sa araw araw na ginawa ng Diyos ang mundo, nakatuon lang talaga ang atensyon ko sa pamilya ko. Sa buhay ko. Limitadong paki-alaman ko ang buhay ng iba, depende na lang kung mahalaga din sya sa buhay ko. Wula naman sigurong masama sa pagpapakita na nag-aalala ka, ganoon pa man alam nya na wula kang hinihinging kapalit sa pinapakita at pinaparamdam mo.

Yong tipong nagpapaalala dahil ayaw mo syang mapasama? Pwede rin ang ung tipong minumulat mo ang mata nya sa pwedeng mei hindi magandang mangyari kapag hindi nya ginawa yon at inuna ang ibang bagay. O kaya naman ay ang madalas na pagsasabi at pagpapaalala na gawin mo yan dahil para din naman yan sa ikabubuti mo.

Pero bakit minsan may mga tao yatang sadyang ang tingin sa ginagawa mo ay mali. Kahit sabihin mo ng paulit ulit ang dahilan. Parang isang puting papel. Tuldukan mo. Ano ang unang mapapansin? Ang dumi. And tuldok. Pero ang malinis na parte ay parang wula lang.

Masarap sa pakiramdam na napapasaya mo ang taong mahal mo. Masarap din sa pakiramdam na natutulungan mo ang mahalagang tao sa buhay. Pero syempre ang pinakamasarap sa pakiramdam ay kapag nakikita at nararamdaman mo na pinapahalagahan ng taong iyon ang mga bagay na ginagawa mo para sa kanya.

Masakit isipin na minsan ang tingin nya ginagawa mo lang iyon para sa sarili mo. Para lang sa ikabubuti mo. Pero, madalas yata ay nangyayari na yon.

Mas mabuti pa tuloy na manahimik ka na lang. Huwag ng maki-alam sa iba. Sino ka nga ba? Kahit paulit-ulit mong sabihin na "para din naman sa atin to" wala din. Parang nagsalita ka sa hangin.

Kaya bago pa sumama ang loob mo tigilan mo na.

Magtatanong sya : Sumagot ka
Ngingiti sya : Ngumiti ka
Makikipagusap : Makisama, makipagusap

Pero kung wula? Di wula.
Magulo. Ang gulo ng mundo. Wag ng gawing kumplekado.






^itutulog ko na lang to..

Sunday, April 12, 2009

hypocrite yet the best..

(how far would you go to keep the hope of love alive?)

________________

Nostalgic Smile

a girl is crying
she screams for a piece of mind
people came then stop

suddenly it rain

they say raining means blessing

now tears are falling


nights are getting cold
frustration and depression
it reaches it's peak

chop her stubborn heart
useless since can’t decide
don't know what to do

she's a doomed princess
if someone ask you just smile
it’s a perfect answer

______________

Sometimes I wish to run out of this insane situation. I can focus on other things. They aren't the one who makes my world revolves. But, yet, until now, it triggers my mind. Sorry, I think I made you confused. Err. Let me just share you the scenario:

I broke-up with my guy then this old suitor of mine got into the picture.

Then, now they craft my mind. The first guy is asking for a new beginning so that he can prove that he'd learned his lessons. The second man was my former suitor. Before, I told him that I not ready (somekinda like that for him to leave me) however as years passed (take note years) I've learned to like him and now we're too close with each other.

I know I can't have then both so I'm trying to balance everything. Damn.
The hardest thing to do.

Hence, whenever someone asked me about my situation with this guy or that. The safest answer is just to SMILE.






^Am I torn between two lovers? Err.

my poem is not that good, IM NOT A WRITER, Just a blogger? =p

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Early Maundy Thursday

Time: 2:06AM

Just got home!
Early bird huh? :D

I watched a play in our baranggay hall court.

The traditional "
Sinakulo". A re-enactment of the life of our Lord, Jesus Christ. Young amateur actors and actresses but still they were able to produce a good play.

Some actors are friends.
Others are may cousins.
Few are my admirers? Lol. Just kidding.

The props head committee was my cousin. And most of the technical and props committee are my close boy friends. (As usual, I'm one-of-the-boys.) So I went there to show my support and to entertain my self too.

Tomorrow, I mean this evening they will continue the half-part of the play together with what they told me the Last Supper and on Friday the "
Syete-Palabra" which was honestly I really don't know. (Pity on me? ahaha!)

So I guess I badly needed to watch it.

Nothing much to say.
Good Night Guys.





^time for
nilaynilay..


Trivia*
On this day (Maundy Thursday) four events are commemorated: the washing of the Disciples' Feet by Jesus Christ, the institution of the Mystery of the Holy Eucharist at the Last Supper, the agony of Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane, and the betrayal of Christ byJudas Iscariot.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

my-lifeless-so-called-companion

Hi there friends!

I want you to meet my baby. Dhamar.

It was a gift when she turned 18. When I first saw Dhamar I was fascinated and loved his cuddliness. I was even the one who gave the name Dhamar which came from the name "Danny and Marian"; Ate's classmate who gave her this bear.

Whenever I went and sleep in Taytay, I always look for him and hug him until I fell asleep.

Basically that's the reason why Ate Joyce gave him to me last November 1, 2008. She said that Dhamar can make me feel warm when I went to Baguio for our Youth Congress.



And here he is. A bit bored like me. Ahaha!

He's my number one companion.
My loyal friend.

Though he can't response to what I'm saying to him atleast at some point he makes me feel better. Pain are eased through sharing it to others.

Sometimes it enough that you have that someone who will listen to you no matter how long you sentiments are. Someone whom you can share you secret and have a hundred percent assurance that he won't spill it to others. Someone who's always there for not just because he say so, but because that was what he showned you. Someone that can make you smile by just looking onto his face and someone whom you can hug anytime for a much better feeling.

I know he can't move or whatnot. Atleast he didn't promise me anything. That's why though he can't hug me back, still I'm so lucky and happy having a companion like him.





^promise no more!

Monday, April 6, 2009

para sayo..


"Pinipili ng tao na maging miserable, kaya nga hanggang ngaun ay umiiyak ka pa rin"

Masakit. Nakakagulat. At nakaka-iyak. Magulo.

Wulang sinuman ang may karapatang sabihan ako at husgahan tungkol sa isang bagay dahil wula sya o ikaw sa position ko. Hindi mo alam ang tunay na nararamdaman ko.

Pinipili nga ba ng isang tao na maging miserable and buhay nya? May tao bang gustong maging magulo at wulang saysay ang panahon na nilalagi nya sa mundo? Mas gugustuhin mo bang umiyak buong araw kung alam mo naman may makakasama na magpapangiti sayo? Masaya ba kapag "miserable" ang buhay mo?

Hindi pinipili ng tao na maging miserable ang buhay nya. May mga bagay lang talaga na mahirap takasan. Na hindi masabi o maamin o maipakita sa tao sa paligid mo dahil mayroon ding mga nakakainmpluwensya dito.

Hindi naman kase basta basta lang pagdedesisyon sa buhay. Tulad ng sa kanin, hindi mo pwedeng isubo at kapag napaso ay iluluwa mo. May mga desisyon sa buhay na hindi mo alam ang kakalabasan. May mga bagay na pinipili tayo na nagiging dahilan ng pagiging miserable ng buhay naten. Pero hindi ba naiisip ng mga tao sa paligid mo na may higit na mas malalim na dahilan kung bakit iyon ang napili mong tahakin? Naging mapagmasid ba sila bago husgahan ang tao at sabihin na ang buhay nya ay naging miserable dahil ito pinili nya?

Mahirap magbitaw ng mga salita lalu pa't hindi mo alam ang takbo ng buhay ng isang tao.

"Destiny is the result of our own choice" Uo. Tama. Pero sa pagdedesisyong ito parang kang tumataya ng lotto. Hindi mo alam ang maaari mong makuha o mapanalunan. Ang buhay ay parang sugal lamang.

Hindi ko piniling maging miserable.
Sadyang mahina lang ang kalooban ko.
Mabilis lumuha. Tao lang ako. Nasasaktan din.
Darating din ang panahon na masasabi ko ang tunay na dahilan kung bakit ako nagkakaganto.

Kung ikaw ang tatanungin ko ngaun:

"Pinili mo bang maging miserable ang buhay mo?"




^magulong utak ko.. sana naintindihan nyu..
*sana mabasa nya to.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

chai is DEPRESS.


Aha!

Good morning sunshine..

I thought its only 11pm but.. whoah! 3:00am is the time.

I've lost my sanity making this "image inside a text" picture in Photoshop. Ahaha! So what can you say? Good or not that bad? I won't accept a bold BAD answer. I had a hard time looking for the steps huh. Lol.

Anyways look at these:







I cleaned and arranged my desk! A sign that I'm depress. Ö
Oh noo.. nah!

LONELY but still in VANITY MOMENT:

Last night (Saturday) I'm craving for Mcdo Float and Fries (another sign of depression? Ö) so I went to Silver City. But then we I came, two parties are on going. Though it's already 8:30 in the evening the customers are over flowing. As a result I end up staying at Starbucks.

To have a peaceful time and be alone. That's my number one goal why I get out of our boring house. My former classmate, Iris, surprisingly served me my Caramel Frap Coffee.

Sip. Read. Think.
Think. Sip. Read

Then vanity strikes.



Who says that I can't smile though problems invade?
Nah. I'm stronger than you've thought.

Then after that, another sip, another reading, stop and THINK again.

I miss the person who talks and cheers me when I'm so down. Err. Where are you now? ='c

Weirdo Life.





^I'm stuck!

Friday, April 3, 2009

You are Wanted..!



Mood: Tired and SLEPPY


Yeah! I’m sleepy. The second day of OJT is ____? Cool. Nice. Okay. No Comment. Ahaha!
So many stories to tell but, nah, I dunno how I will start. Hmm..

OJT Thingy:
-Doing good. The NSO Staffs are nice specially Ma’am Karen who guide us in everything. Encoding surveyed data everyday. Argh!

Policy Paper:
-Stand by Mode. Since Angeline and Jerome (my bestfriend) is also busy with their OJT Thingy and also Reniel is also having his OJT in NSO we don’t have enough time for it. Maybe we can work this coming Holy Week.

Friendship.
-Honestly, I miss someone. Yah! You got it right. My best friend. Lately he’s not talking/texting/calling/chatting with me and he never ever told me about his plan special the one I’ve read on his planner. A retreat. I even asked him twice or thrice about that but he didn’t response. Aww! I also miss my colleagues, my close friend and my batchmates. Do I need to mention them all? Ahaha!

Love Life:
-Ahuh!? Suitors please line up. Ahaha! Just kidding. I don’t why I’m opening this topic? Anyways my life is like an open book already. Hmm. I have this special someone. No malice at all. As of now we’re just good friends. I think I need to know him better and be sure on what I really feels for him. Ö

I miss my normal life.
Your so outlandish chai.
Better sleep now.




^step by step..

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Economic Term:

OPPORTUNITY COST

The cost of an alternative that must be forgone in order to pursue a certain action. Put another way, the benefits you could have received by taking an alternative action.

Example: The opportunity cost of going to college is the money you would have earned if you worked instead. On the one hand, you lose four years of salary while getting your degree; on the other hand, you hope to earn more during your career, thanks to your education, to offset the lost wages.

(thanks to www.answers.com)

On-the-Job-Training-Troubles

Err. Define TIRED. What a day.

Excuse me for writing in TAGalog-EngLISH language but I'm not in the mood to blog everything in English.

Naguguluhan na ko!
Haay. I went to Congress for my OJT but then the personnel told me that they already have trainees and not accepting anymore.

So disappointed, sad and empty minded I walk through the overpass of Quezon City without thinking for my next destination.

Suddenly, I remember “may cellphone pala ko” Ahaha! I texted my friends where are they. Ayoko naming sayangin yung araw ko ng ganun lang.

Gandhi (one of my classmate) replied and said that they will go to National Statistic Office in Pureza, Sta. Mesa. Immediately I went there. Luckily, earlier I told Ren (another classmate) to include my name on the NSO recommendation letter.

At the said office the four boys: Gandhi, Ren, Jejo and Reniel chosen me to be the representative to go up in the HRMS. And the rest was history.

We got the job. On the “Economic Indices and Indicators Division, BUT.
Err.We will work as an encoder?! WTF?

At some point I know, OJTs’ of course, sa pinakamababa ka magsisimula, pero. Haay

Disappointment.
Disappointed.

I wasn’t able to make it on Congress and Senate. Damn. That’s the result of being sluggish at home. Ayun. Tamad kasing kumilos at mag-ayos ng mga papers.

When I got home, I checked my mail. Senator Pia Cayetano’s office replied on my mail. They notify me that they acknowledge my message and instruct me what to do.

Now, I’m wishing. The hell I’m longing that they will reply as soon as possible for an interview. But as of now, my future depends on the National Statistics Office.

Now Im confused. Should I look for new agencies or not? Should I wait for Senator Pia's reply or not? Which is which?

Lesson:
Prepare. Think and be prepared. As soon as possible attach and prepare everything you need. Avoid cramming in submitting requirements.

Lesson Learned!
Noted!





^ “Kailangang magdecide ng maayos. Sayang ang Opportunity Cost
-chai

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

grotto vista for the first time..









Hey!

Before I lay down and rest tonight let me just post and share these pictures with you.
This was our outing on Grotto Vista last Thursday before the party at Manor.

The quality of the picture was not that good but still thanks to Jona.


Ciao!




^7:30 class for tomorrow..